Our Camping Challenge

We recently took Adelaide on her first camping trip. We mention to this to people afterwards and we get told "That was brave!". I was always told that bravery is "doing something stupid but surviving". :P Maybe if we'd known in advance we wouldn't have tried! :)

The ideal room temp for baby to sleep in is 21c, but the overnight tent temp was 11c (Emily will tell you all about my tent, which is an Australian design and has a lot of mesh walls). A lot of co-sleeping (bed-sharing) was necessary to try and keep everyone warm enough overnight.

We had hesitated to do co-sleeping because Adelaide was so tiny, and I have a tendency to roll with my elbows outwards. In the tent we had no choice, and honestly it worked out far better than I'd hoped. We both got a much better handle on Adelaide's sleeping habits, and I think we all feel a lot more connected as a family. Sharing every waking and sleeping moment does help to feel that connection.

To keep ourselves sane over the course of the trip, we alternated between camping and motels. At one point we ended up at Sunpeaks Resort, a ski-resort which turns into a hiking destination in the summer. Emily just told me that Sunpeaks saved the trip. Without that break, we probably would have given up and headed home. A proper bed, with TV and a microwave, is a very nice break from cold nights and mosquitoes.

And oh yes, there were a lot of mosquitoes no matter where we camped or walked. Emily breaks out in swollen itchy patches after a mosquito bite, but I just bleed from the holes. We couldn't dare to put mosquito repellent on Adelaide, and by proxy we couldn't put any on Emily. So Emily spent a lot of her time inside the tent or car, while I spent a lot of time setting up the tent or lighting a campfire. Not complaining, but it's these little role restrictions that make camping with an infant a little bit harder.

Halfway through the trip we met up with Stella and Timothy at a motel in Clearwater. We spent a few days in Wells Gray Park (awesome waterfalls!), and then made our first attempt to camp as a unified family. Stella had brought a tent and a big outdoor mesh. The mesh was big enough to cover a picnic table with extra chairs, which meant that Emily and Adelaide could spend a lot more time outside. Unfortunately Stella's tent leaked during our first camping night and she and Tim had to head home too soon.

Once Stella and Timothy left, the three of us headed to Kamloops and spent a few nights camping there. The temperature rocketed up to 36c in the daytime, and so we spent parts of our days in malls, the cinema (we were almost the only ones seeing Toy Story 3 in 2D!), or hiking up and down mountains. We will have to return to Kamloops another time. The entire area reminds me of Muswellbrook, except they have sub-alpine meadows nearby... :)

Was it worth it? Well, it was always going to be a challenge. We managed to take Adelaide camping, hiking, to waterfalls, to the movies, to the zoo, with family, in the cold, and in the heat. It was not a comfortable trip, but we got it all done. And that's what made it worth it. :)

Adelaide's Birth

Emily's just written up her blog about the birth, so I figured I'd write up my experience. I'll only note down the things she didn't mention much. I remember a few more things as I wasn't the one in all the pain.

• First, my embarrassment. I don't have a driver's license in Canada, and I had just organised all my paperwork to let me do the multiple-choice Knowledge Test. So after we got Emily into hospital, where did I go? Off to do my knowledge test, coming back some time after she was hooked up to all the baby monitoring stuff. That's when my memories start.
• We had to kill time in the hospital somehow. Labour is a long process. We had brought a laptop and started marathoning the modern series of Doctor Who (starting from Season 2). Who knew that we'd look back at those episodes and think "damn, Season 5 is so much better"? Kill Doctor Who and we're back to just talking rubbish to burn up the hours.
• At one point, Emily had setup a tiny portable stereo system to listen to Glee music while having her cucumber-salad lunch. That was early on in the day. It's weird thinking that the same day contained "Emily being excited about cucumber-salad" and "Emily screaming and crying and pushing a baby out". A baby's birth will be a strange day.
• Originally, Emily's mum (Stella) was at the hospital with us. Having her there really helped in the early hours when I wasn't around as much, but with labour approaching we knew things would be getting emotional and stressful soon. We sent Stella home somewhere around lunchtime, though she would drop in every few hours after that with very welcome food relief. :)
• The hospital staff wanted the baby out, and rightfully so. Adelaide had pooped inside and there was a risk of her inhaling some of that. However, Emily was dilating quite quickly on her own. We didn't want to use induction if we could avoid it, so we delayed. In the end, Emily's dilation slowed down and she had to be induced. She was not happy about the IV, but I think she was happy to get labour moving again.
• Labour is enormously painful. And induced labour comes up on the mother very fast. Once you're induced, know that this is going to hurt, and it's going to hurt fast. I'm not sure that I fully understood this, but I did at the end when the hospital staff said "you know, the vast vast majority of women get an epidural when they're induced, you're just incredible".
• As a father and husband, there were a few things that ran through my head during the birth:
  • I will never leave her. There is nothing quite like watching a woman go through labour to make your insides shrivel up and make you think "seriously? this woman loves me?".
  • Baby's head is showing? Umbilical cord needs cutting? Whoop-dee-doo. Excuse me while I tend to my wife here, ok? And no, I don't want to grab my camera. She's in pain, and I'm not a tourist.
  • I wanted to cry at many points through the birth, just watching and hearing how much pain she is in. Absolutely everything is secondary to her pain. If she needs to break a bone to distract herself from the pain, so be it. Bone injures will heal. Birthing pain trumps all concerns today. Yes, seriously, it is that bad.
  • I know her better than the staff and can better translate how she's feeling, what she wants, etc. Perhaps that is the most useful thing the husband can do - translating her needs to the hospital staff, and their directions back to her. For example: "Yes, I know a heat-pack makes the most sense for labour pains. But screw that - my wife needs a soothing ice-pack down her back to make her feel better. I don't care if you need to use frozen popsicles, we need something very cold down her back right now." That is your job as husband.
• Adelaide came out in full Hollywood style. Bright pink, breathing, seemingly happy to be out. She had a bit of poop on her but otherwise was all good. Emily was completely wiped out, but happy it was all over.
• Adelaide has been breastfeeding just fine, almost since the very first attempt. She has strong neck muscles, breathes just fine, and has a relatively gentle cry. We could not be happier. In fact, Adelaide and Emily were doing so well they sent us home within 16 hours of the birth.

The whole thing went very very fast. I still can't believe we now have a baby, but I am extremely eager to play with her and watch her grow up. When she opens her eyes and just stares at you, it's beautiful.

Note to Timothy: I know you can't read this, and I know you can't respond, but I want to write this down. You are an uncle now, mate. Maybe you know this because you seemed to know there was a baby in Emily's tummy. We will be bringing the whole family to you soon. I am really looking forward to it. Love you mate. We'll see you soon.

Bullsh*tt*ng

Emily and I have been discussing parenting styles recently. The standard stuff like discipline, how to encourage, etc. We won't need any of this for a year or so, but it's best to plan a bit beforehand. And that brings me to the value of bullshitting.

I don't know if anyone has heard of the card game called "Cheat", but I think it's a good and safe intro to the concept of bullshitting. The rules are:

• Split the deck evenly between all players, and keep your cards hidden.
• On your turn, choose some of your cards and place them face down on the table. Describe what those cards are, like "4 aces" or "3 kings".
• You do not have to tell the truth. There are some rules for how you can describe those cards.... but truth is not one of the rules.
• If someone calls out "Cheat" when you're lying, then you have to pick up all the cards that were put down so far.
• If someone call out "Cheat" and you're NOT lying, then they have to pick up all the cards that were put down so far.
• The first person to get rid of all their cards wins the game.

I feel this game teaches us:

• not to believe the first thing you hear (a good strategy is to lie unnecessarily on your first turn and tell the truth on your second turn, as it can really confuse people)
• it is always safer to tell the truth, as there's a high probability of the truth coming out
• you cannot make unbelievable claims and expect people to accept it easily
• test the truth of what someone says by looking at what you know for sure (if someone claims to put down 2 aces, but you have 3 aces in your hand, you know they are bullshitting)
• pay attention to what is going on and where the cards are, because that information can help identify any lies
• you must tell the truth at the end (everyone will call "Cheat" on your winning turn, so you better be telling the truth)

Not all of the above are positive lessons, I know. But some are very useful in a world where you can't trust information. How do you know that your friend is not stranded in Spain without a credit card and needs you to wire money immediately? Because if they needed money that badly, they could have made a collect call. How do you know that combining your chequing and mortgage will save you money? Run the numbers yourself. How do you know that Microsoft won't donate $1 to AIDS research for every time you forward an email? Because you have never heard of a service that lets you track emails like that. How much should you trust a person online? Only as far as you can independently verify what they say.

But can/should you incorporate bullshitting as a parenting skill? Before I even knew how to play a game like "Cheat", I was exposed to the concept of bullshitting. My Dad loved to do it, with statements like "I can remember being born" being one of his favourites. If you left your McDonalds fries unwatched, someone would steal them and try to convince you that you ate them all. It was up to you to spot who had two sets of fries in front of them.

The main difference between "bullshitting" and outright "lying" was that you can always identify the bullshit by looking at your surroundings. And you would be congratulated for successfully separating the bullshit from the truth.

I honestly think this has helped me. I accept what people say, but do not rely too heavily on it. I try to pick out information that sounds odd or incorrect or misphrased, and take the time to verify those facts. I always try to correlate what I hear with what I see and what I can deduce. It has been a valuable lesson to me.

So when our child asks "Has the sky always been blue?", I may just answer "Well they have to repaint it every year, and this year they chose blue. Last year it was green." And I will be very happy when they call "bullshit" on me, because all our photos have nice blue skies.

Means-Tested Disability Benefits

From what I understand of the Albertan welfare system, many disability benefits are cut once you start earning money from other sources. I can't speak for the rest of Canada or even my home Australia as I have never been involved there. However, I'm not sure if this should be considered a "fair go" for disabled citizens.

As I understand it, the idea of "social security" is that we guarantee all citizens a minimum level of living. The premise is that all individuals deserve a decent life, though circumstances may make it difficult or impossible for them to achieve it on their own. In some cases these circumstances are transient (eg. unemployment, pregnancy, illness) while other times they are permanent (eg. disability). In either case, society feels that we should offset the individual's circumstance by providing them with some kind of benefits.

Now it makes sense that an individual's "unemployment benefits" would be cut if they become employed. The individual's circumstances have changed, and the benefits are no longer appropriate.

But what should happen when a person overcomes their circumstances. That is, when their circumstances do not change, but the person pushes themselves to improve their own life? For example, should a new mother have her maternity benefits cut because she pushed herself to grow vegetables? Should we cut her maternity benefits as they are not necessary to feed her child? Or should we maintain her benefits, and applaud the improved life she can now offer her child?

Should benefits be means-tested? Or should they be based purely on how circumstances have impacted that individual?

The following describes how the Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped (AISH) benefit is cut when a disabled person overcomes their circumstances to enter the workforce at a low-paying job:

Currently, an individual’s employment income is only partially exempt from AISH adjustment. For example, single adults can keep the first $200 they earn each month, plus 25% of any amount over $200. This means an individual who works 20 hours/week for $10.00/hour would only be able to retain $366.67 of the $866.67 he/she would earn [per month]. When the cost (transportation, clothing, and/or childcare for example) and energy involved in joining the work force are considered, the motivation for seeking and obtaining employment is negligible.

-- Alberta Committee of Citizens with Disabilities Response to Low-Income Programs Review

Imagine a severely handicapped man who cleans tables at McDonalds. He has overcome his disability to find work in a fast-food restaurant. While this is simplistic work for most of us, it has presumably taken great effort on his part to achieve this. He will earn only a basic wage despite it taking all of his energy.

His disability has not changed, and society would pay him full benefits if he stayed at home. So should we applaud his effort to overcome his disability, or should we cut his benefits?

P.S. The AISH cut-off rates have increased significantly. In the above example, the individual would now keep around $633.37. However, once an individual goes over $1500/month in earnings, their benefits will be cut dollar for dollar. A person on AISH benefits would see no improvement in their life if they moved from a $1500/month job to a $2000/month job, because their AISH benefits would be cut exactly $500.

P.P.S. This blogpost is really more about how we think of social security and whether it is fair, not demanding changes to AISH.

House Selections

We just finished our first round of interior house selections, so I thought I'd post a short description of what we picked. All of this is subject to the total price quote we get soon. :)

Colours

• Most of the house uses a good quality "soft brown wood" laminate floor. This includes the kitchen, stairs, bedrooms, etc. See image or link.
• The kitchen cupboards are slightly darker and slightly redder than the floor. We want to keep the kitchen warm-feeling. See image to the right.
• The kitchen counter is laminate with a sandstone appearance. The edges will be squared and pointy. This is because we have a sink in a corner, and you cannot get a seamless laminate countertop with a rolled or bevelled edge. See image or link.
• Wet areas of the house use a slightly textured beige tile. This includes the entry area, the laundry/pantry/mudroom, and all bathrooms. We still need to finalise some bathroom selections.

Faucets and Sinks

• All kitchen faucets (three in total) are Kohler brand with pull-out head and a top-mounted lever handle. You can switch between a hose-like and a shower-like stream by using a simple mechanical switch located on the faucet head. See link.
• Most bathrooms have simple, practical, self-rimming sinks. I don't remember the brand. The master ensuite has the same brand and series of sink, but are more stylish with higher rims and a smaller area.
• Most bathroom sink faucets are Kohler brand and look like a scaled down version of the kitchen faucets. They are angled so the water should shoot towards the centre of the sink, something Emily was keen to have. See link.
• Most bathroom shower/tubs use Kohler faucets from the same series. The exact configuration depends on whether it is a shower or a shower/tub combination. See link.
• The master ensuite faucets are all Moen, but are not terribly different to the Kohler ones. The Moen faucets shoot more directly down which is better for the smaller ensuite sinks. See link.
• The master ensuite does not have a shower, but it will still have a hand-held shower head on the bath. We're trying to keep the ensuite nice and open-feeling. See link.
• The kids bathroom doubles as an upstairs laundry, with both a regular sink and a laundry sink on the one countertop. Normally the bathroom counter is 33 inches high and fairly shallow, and all other counters are 36 inches high and deeper. As a result, we'll have a neat little "step" where we transition from the bathroom half of the counter to the laundry half of the counter.

Baths and Toilets

• We have four bath/showers in the house, but almost every one is unique. The master ensuite has an acrylic 6 foot bath. The downstairs bathroom has a 5 foot fibreglass shower unit. The kid's bathroom is a 5 foot fibreglass shower/bath unit, and Timothy's is the same design but 5.5 foot long.
• We are unsure whether fibreglass or acrylic is the better way to go. We're also chasing up alternative brands and things. All we know for sure is that Timothy, the kids, and Grandma will have single-piece moulded units.
• We found a Caroma Caravelle dual-flush toilet. I always thought that Caroma was French for "flush" or something, because I grew up seeing "Caroma" on all the toilet buttons. I don't think I saw anything else until I traveled overseas. :)

Handles and Railings

• Most door handles will be levers. They will mostly be a brushed nickel or similar finish. Kitchen cabinets will have a nice-looking brushed silver straight handle. The bathrooms will have matching knobs.
• The stairs and upstairs areas will have simple metal poles (what are those called again), nice-looking wooden pillars at all the corners, and a simple wood railing. The pillars and railing will be painted, but we might need to reassess once all the pricing comes in. A lot of the rest of the house uses stained wood.
• Interior doors will look a little like the kitchen cabinets with a classic grooved appearance.

Lessons Learned

• Faucets cost a lot. Much more than you expect.
• Plumbing in Edmonton cannot go along an exterior wall. Makes sense to stop them from bursting.
• If you visit a hotel it seems they all have those single-handle controls for the showers. You just turn the handle until it changes from cold water to hot water, and they don't let you control the pressure. It turns out that is because they use a special "anti-scald" valve that prevents sudden temperature changes caused by changes in pipe pressures. The salesperson hinted that they are close to being a legal requirement nowadays.
• Democratic selection of house colours does work. Just make sure you have 3 people voting. :)