Working With Timothy

Imagine you're walking through a swinging door and a stranger is following behind you. You would probably pause for a second and hold the door until the stranger can reach it. If that person has a stroller, you might even hold it until they pass through. If they are in a wheelchair, you would almost certainly hold the door. And you would expect a nod and a maybe a "thank you".

In most such situations, we know how to offer assistance, we know how to react, and we know what to expect in response. But if you were walking with someone like Timothy it's sometimes unclear what to do. Should you hold it until he walks through? Hold it open long enough for him to reach it? What do you do if he grabs your arm when walking through? If he stops halfway through the door, is it because he is waiting for you to move? Or because he just walks slowly?

One of the biggest impediments for new people (like myself) when interacting with a mentally disabled person is "the unknown". We just don't know the rules of interaction. We can't tell when they are bored or interested. We don't know if they are running in the mall because they are scared, or because they like Christmas lights, or because they desperately need the toilet. We don't know whether we should stop him/her from running, or just keep up until they stop. We don't know if talking will help or confuse them. Without any past experience to aid us, our mind conjures up unfounded ideas like "possibly violent". The truth is, a young child will do more in a few minutes than someone like Timothy would ever do in his life.

Timothy's long-term care hinges on his ability to function in a social setting. Fears of "the unknown" stop people from interacting with him, and this in turn reduces his chance of learning socially acceptable behaviours.

The following is a list of things I've noted from my time with Timothy. I think it is better to tell people of this list, and hope more people become willing interact with him:

Timothy does have problem solving skills. He just needs more time.

• If he has an object in each hand and needs to operate something (eg. light switch), he can slowly juggle until both objects are in one hand.
• If the door has a separate deadlock, he will try flipping the lock until he can open the door. He might even manage a spring-loaded deadlock, but we've never tried.
• He might look around for assistance, but if none is offered he will keep trying.

Timothy can understand what you want, as long as it is made clear.

• If you hold out a bag and say "Timothy, I need you to carry this for me." he will likely take the bag and hold it for you.
• If he sits in the middle of a bench and you say "Tim, I'd like to sit down. Please move all the way to the end." he will likely move over.
• Your body language doesn't need to be exaggerated, but should match what you are saying. If you say "Timothy, please sit on that bench over there." without gesturing at the bench or looking at Timothy, he probably won't understand what you want.

Timothy does enjoy human contact just like the rest of us.

• I once saw an Aunt walk up behind Timothy, cover his eyes from behind, and say something. Timothy immediately had a big smile on his face and turned around to see who it was.
• If you touch Timothy's nose or tap him on the forehead, he will likely not be very happy. Then again, would you? :)
• Timothy will give and receive kisses on the cheek from people he knows and likes. At DisneyWorld he was very happy to give Stella and Emily kisses. He had a shy and awkward smile when it was my turn for a kiss though. :)
• Timothy likes to play games with others. He will imitate you if you take the time to show him. At DisneyWorld we went swimming and he quickly wanted to get out of the pool. However, if we started diving to collect rocks from the bottom of the pool, he would join in and have a great time.

Timothy likes certain music, certain textures, and anything that spins or lights up.

• Timothy likes a broad range of musical styles. "Silent Night" is a favourite, but didgeridoo music is popular too. He can become very agitated by music videos so we try to avoid those.
• Timothy might reach out to touch interesting textures, particularly on clothes. Funnily, he might even say "mine" as he is touching the print on your shirt. This is because everyone responds with "Timothy! That is mine! Don't touch!". :)
• Timothy will often look for fans in the area. I believe he knows the word "fan" in two languages! They capture his attention, even if they're not spinning. He also likes flashing Christmas lights.

Most importantly, Timothy needs to spend time with other people. The more experience he has of social situations, the better his life will be. Simply having people approach him, talk with him, and interact with him is incredibly valuable.

And this list I've created and can never include the things we don't know. New experiences can always lead to great things for Timothy. For example, when we went camping we found that Timothy really enjoyed walking up on rocks. Perhaps it is the simple challenge of it? When we went to DisneyWorld I brought my old digital camera for him to use. He has started pointing the camera at things he likes, but I'm not sure whether he understands that he can keep the photos he takes.

I want to take him to play billiards or bowling sometime. I don't think he's ever seen it before. He won't play very well. Should that matter at all? Timothy derives pleasure from simply doing things, especially when there are other people doing it too. That is something very special, and worth experiencing.