Mission

It's been a while since I've blogged. I keep waiting for something important to break this silence. I've now found it.

I was raised to believe that we should give what we can, what is in our capacity. The people I most want to imitate are those who give out more than they keep for themselves. There are people like this throughout my family (immediate and extended), Emily's family, and some I know abroad. Jane and Daniel Toole have been especial inspirations for me. They've been living in Ethiopia for a while now, with their own children, doing what they can to help the kids there. I barely dare to read their emails as I must contrast my life with theirs.

There are common religious teachings like "I have been filled up so that I can be emptied again". Or this all-time favourite of mine from Anthony de Mello:

A man walking through the forest saw a fox that had lost its legs and wondered how it lived. Then he saw a tiger come with game in its mouth. The tiger had his fill and left the rest for the fox.

The next day too God sent, the tiger to feed the fox. The man began to wonder at God’s greatness and thought. “I too shall lie in a corner trusting the Lord to give me all I need.

He did this for a month, and was almost at death’s door when he heard a Voice that said, “O you who are on the path of error, open your eyes to the Truth! Imitate the tiger not the fox.”

To be clear, I don't believe in "responsibilities" or "directions" passed to us by God. Not at all. But I still believe that I should give what is in my capacity. Have I done this? Hell no. I do give... but there is still a large gap between "what I give" and "what I can easily give". I am not the fox, but I feel I am just a shadow of the tiger.

I have wrestled with the question: should I go abroad myself, or should I try to fund others? I try to have money spare for good causes. If I go abroad myself, to volunteer in places which need help, I would not have that money spare. And what am I able to do anyway? I have occasional wrist and back pain. I burn easily. I've used computers all my life. What use could I be?

We will find out. Before I reach 31 years old, Emily and I are planning to go on a few missions trips. Preferably something not associated with the church. We will try something short first - a 2-4 week post offering assistance wherever. After that, we will try something longer - a 3-6 month post trying to do something more.

Whatever we do, it must be completed before we start having children of our own. I know Jane and Daniel had the strength to raise their children abroad, but I know I do not have that strength. And I expect we will start managing Timothy's care in a few years, and our first priority is to him.

This is an important decision for me. Not something I take lightly. But something I feel I need to do.