Something I've noticed over the years, and again more recently, is that my interests and my way of thinking are a bit odd. In social situations, I can rarely find common ground with other people. For example:
- Someone might want to discuss whether the city should install traffic lights at a certain intersection. I'm only interested in the meta-question: what is the best rule-set for determining where traffic lights should go, and what pattern they should use? Does anyone else really want to spend 15 minutes discussing traffic flows?
- Given my Australian background, people expect me to have an interest in rugby, cricket, and drinking beer. I'm expected to know the rules for AFL. I don't. I have an interest in flying stunt kites and drinking Jones soda.
- I find it relaxing to develop software. When I get stressed, I turn on the computer and start coding. Even many of my workmates find this odd, and it probably is.
- I attend a Christian church, and a Christian "small group", yet I am adamantly not Christian. I struggle to find anyone else who understands this.
- I get frustrated by TV and books that leave the audience in suspense. I'll read the synopsis from Wikipedia, understand the point the writer was trying to make, and then stop.
- On most Saturday nights I go for a social swim, but there are very few people in my age group or who are at the same point in life. Why am I there? I don't even know.
Maybe I've got it all wrong... but a lot of what I do and think seems to set me apart from the people around me, or at least is different from their expectations. I don't try to be odd (yes, I've known others who try to be eccentric, try to be different). I know that I want to be part of a group, but I struggle to find somewhere that would welcome me and where I really fit.
Anyway, this is just a question I'm asking myself. What should I be doing differently? What should I change so that I'm not self-isolating? Should I change at all?
3 comments:
Nope. Don't change a single thing about yourself. Why?
YOU are who Emily loves.
YOU are who your family loves.
YOU are who was wanted for your job.
YOU think about things in a way that positively challenges others.
YOU are who YOU are.
No-one else is exactly like you, but that's the way it's meant to be.
I go to a Christian Mothers Group, but I'm not practising any religion. I know the confusion I've had over your situation is just that - my confusion. Freedom of religion is your right and I think you're brilliant for standing up and saying what you believe, whether I agree with you or not.
I fit in. It's not all it's cracked up to be. I'm severely depressed, suicidal and considering divorce. I'd give almost anything to NOT fit into those three groups.
You're finding yourself, Pete. And I think you're a pretty amazing person to find.
Love Dan
P.S. Sport is stupid. It just is. Grown men in little shorts chasing a ball. That's all it is. Might as well televise paint drying.
Okay. Just lie back down on the couch and relax. Floating a foot above it is starting to creep me out.
Let's start at the beginning:
* Someone might want to discuss whether the city should install traffic lights at a certain intersection. I'm only interested in the meta-question: what is the best rule-set for determining where traffic lights should go, and what pattern they should use? Does anyone else really want to spend 15 minutes discussing traffic flows?
# Sure. I'd spend a couple of minutes on the 'should we' question, and easily spent an hour on the traffic flows, hopefully with examples and diagrams.
If you have a greater interest in discussing the more interesting part of the question, perhaps it is just that the group you are with are not as inclined.
Now, for number two:
* Given my Australian background, people expect me to have an interest in rugby, cricket, and drinking beer. I'm expected to know the rules for AFL. I don't. I have an interest in flying stunt kites and drinking Jones soda.
# Aren't stereotypes wonderful? Welcome to reality. Be aware that you can easily offend people by making the same assumptions about them, and doing so, while amusing at the time, can lead to less social interaction in the future.
* I find it relaxing to develop software. When I get stressed, I turn on the computer and start coding. Even many of my workmates find this odd, and it probably is.
# My advice here is to take the myers-briggs, print out a card with your (current) type to wallet credit card size and be prepared to show it to people.
What you do to unwind and relax is your, and anyone else who lives with you perhaps, business. There is no such thing as 'normal'.
* I attend a Christian church, and a Christian "small group", yet I am adamantly not Christian. I struggle to find anyone else who understands this.
# So, you like a little debate in your life. What of it? So long as no blood or tears are shed...
* I get frustrated by TV and books that leave the audience in suspense. I'll read the synopsis from Wikipedia, understand the point the writer was trying to make, and then stop.
# Perhaps Psychology 101 could be of benefit to you. Again, no such thing as 'normal'.
Don't start to watch the anime 'His and Her Circumstances' or, for that matter, 'Fruits Basket'. Unless you also like reading manga.
* On most Saturday nights I go for a social swim, but there are very few people in my age group or who are at the same point in life. Why am I there? I don't even know.
# Woah. Combo question! How about we split this one. The social swim is easy enough. It's your weekly dose of social interaction. Some is better than none. Mostly. Perhaps it's time to find a new hobby? Move the swim to a different time to keep the exercize and join a speed chess club or munchkin club.
# "Why am I here?" It's a good question. Many of us will spend our entire lives not knowing the answer. Have you considered that you know, and don't want to know? Or that the whole point, for you, may be to find out?
Perhaps this will help (maybe not). I found out why I am here. Now I spend the rest of my life.. finding something else to do.
Perhaps a better question you could ask yourself is 'what I am doing?' or 'where am I going?'
Wasn't the question "Why am I there?" directly related to swimming?
I didn't think it was a question relating to existentialism...
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