More Psychoanalysis

I have to admit, I like taking the occasional personality test, finding out more about myself, etc. Emily and I just went to a comedy/marriage seminar called "Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage" and they highly recommended this "Flag Page" test. The idea of this test is not to pin down your skills or abilities, but rather what parts of your personality are important to you. Or alternatively, what kinds of criticisms would hurt you.

For example, the ability to entertain is not important to me. I wouldn't care if someone said "Your blogs are really boring to read". But if someone said "You need to think much more deeply about what you write"... well that would hurt a lot. The theory is that if a couple knows what kind of criticisms would hurt their partner, they can avoid them. They can instead try to encourage and support that side of their partner.

So my most treasured aspects of my personality are:

1. Sincere at Heart
2. Creative
3. Competent
4. Deep Thinker
5. Patient

Now I fully agree with this list. And no, it's not because I think it makes me sound awesome. I just think this is an accurate description of what I like or strive for most. And when you look closer you realise it's not all that fantastic.

For example, I really enjoy being able to do things well... but that also means I get frustrated and give up if I feel completely unskilled at something. If I'm learning to roller-blade and keep falling over, I won't just pick myself back up. I'll need a lot of support and encouragement to get over my own "incompetence".

Also, I treasure these attributes of my personality more than any others. I treasure these more than, say, being empathic to others, or keeping people happy, or being a good leader, or even listening to people. I care more about being creative and skilled than I do about the opinions of others! But hey, at least I do it all because I want to help (ie. sincere at heart)! :)

Anyway, this list also suggests I'd feel pretty hurt by comments like these below. And yes, I've received comments like these, and I have to admit that they do hurt a lot (or I flat out ignore the person from then onwards):

• "You're not compassionate" (yeah, I hear this sometimes)
• "You produce nothing really new" (can get this at work)
• "You have pretty average ability" (my greatest fear in life)
• "You need to think deeper" (common religious defense)
• "You're not waiting for me" (just tell me to wait?)

All in all, it's a pretty interesting test. I've even made the full results available if you want to browse through and see if you want to do the same test. It does cost $12.50, so it's not one of these free/cheap tests.

PS. This test says nothing about the kinds of people I like to hang around with. As they say, opposites often attract. There are aspects of Emily's personality which I utterly treasure... in her. :) But they are virtually non-existent in me, and I honestly feel better that way. This test really just shows what makes me feel good about myself. Now go and hassle Emily to post her results. ;)

Stroller Shopping

We're looking at a range of transportation options for our baby. We're going through the various strollers, frontpacks, backpacks, carseats, etc. So far we've concluded:

• We will be taking public transport most of the time, or at least while we remain in Vancouver. A carseat would be a luxury that we might use if we catch a taxi. Not really a necessity.
• We would like a stroller that can fold up to something fairly compact and light. Everywhere we go, travelling or at home, we're short on space. Even when in use, a compact stroller is probably better for us. We not forced to fold up a stroller on Vancouver buses, but you don't want it to take up heaps of space either.
• We'd like a stroller where the baby can lie completely flat. This is necessary for newborns. Even if we don't put a newborn in the stroller, it can be an advantage for older children who want to nap.
• We'd like a stroller where the baby can face whoever is pushing it. Some studies show that having your baby facing towards you is better for their development. I don't think that either Emily or I will be staying home indefinitely so, even if the studies are wrong, it would be nice to have as much interaction as possible.
• We'd like it to be cheap. Our plan right now is to find a nice stroller by shopping in stores or online, then look for good deals on Craigslist or eBay. That means looking for stroller models which are a few years older.
• We're also considering non-stroller options like the little baby carriers or slings you wear on the front. Apparently the slings are better for really small babies, and the midwife looked at the two of us and said "you two are probably not going to have a really big baby". :) We looked at the baby backpack things from MEC, but I don't think we're active enough to use that.

If anyone has opinions on stroller choices, feel free to comment. :) Emily has probably done the most research so far - I'm just getting started. A few of my favourites so far (most are way too expensive to buy new, but second-hand...):

• Graco Metrolite
• Chicco Cortina
• Graco Quattro Tour
• Peg Perego Pliko P3 Classico

Project Edmonton

House 4B

Emily and I are considering our future living options. We almost certainly will settle in Edmonton, Alberta, and we will probably be living in a house with Emily's mother, brother, and grandmother. That's where things get complicated...

First off, we all need to be living either within the same building, or extremely close to each other.

• The responsibility of overseeing Timothy's care will eventually be ours, and we can only do that if we are very close by. We don't want to place Timothy in an institution or a group home, as he is sufficiently high-functioning that he learns from the people he is with. In close contact with a real home environment, he can learn social skills. In a group home environment, he can learn to bite or scream.
• Emily's is a tight-knit family. While the extended family is huge, the immediate family is very small. We have always worked under the assumption that they would be living nearby, if not in the same residence. Yes, that means there will be 4 generations living under one roof.

However, we need to balance this with the need for independence:

• Emily and I would like to be able live and raise our family without necessarily involving other family.
• Emily's mother and grandmother can hopefully chase their own interests, without needing to worry about children and grandchildren all the time.
• Timothy must be living in an independent suite, else he will not qualify for funding. While we want to oversee his care, and spend time with him, the minute-by-minute caring is beyond our abilities.

That leaves us with a rather difficult housing situation. We need a house with:

• Separate space for me, Emily, and children.
• Separate space for Timothy.
• Separate space for Stella and Grandma Mak.
• Ground-floor access for Grandma.
• Three covered car parking spaces.
• Adequate (but not excessive) interior space.
• Support our family as the residents change over the next 40 years.
• Possible to lease out parts at times when there are fewer residents.
• Built on a fairly ordinary residential site, so limited in size.
• Preferably under $600k, so not too extravagant

Our current idea is a bi-level or two-story house. The bottom floor consists of two independent suites with both internal and external access. The suites can be reconfigured in a couple of ways to create larger or smaller suites. It should also be possible to access Timothy's suite from the other in case of emergency or any issues. The livable floorspace should be under 1500sqft per floor, as anything larger starts to turn into a monster.

Being the geeks that we are, we've started using "The Sims 2" to consider house designs. :) By correlating Sims objects to real-world ones, I estimate that each square is about 3 feet by 3 feet in size, so we can even get a rough estimate of square footage.

The ground floor is obviously the most complex and where we've put most of our effort. We've just finished and uploaded our best design so far in a Picasa Web Album. Take a look, and see if you can maybe design anything better. This design is about 2500-2700sqft. :)